November of last year I turned 35, and for whatever reason, it really hit me hard-core. I was really, intensely emotional. I didn't understand why....
But as I thought more about everything, and felt into my emotions and truly processed, I began to understand.
So many years of my life I tortured myself, keeping myself boxed in, in so many fashions. My career, my friends, my family... my life. I had a career in IT and at first I loved it. But it became soul wrenching, and I knew deep down this was not supposed to be my path. This affected every other aspect in my life... all of my relationships.... because I was utterly miserable.
My misery pushed me to the brink, right to the fucking edge. And maybe that needed to happen for me to wake up? Maybe I needed to feel the very worst of myself to rebuild? To come back home to me...
Life has a way of speaking to you, and at first it's in the whispers and echoes of our heart. Too many of us are programmed to block this out. We're taught hard work, sacrifice, discipline, hustle hustle hustle, go go go, 24/7, 365, rest is for the wicked, you'll sleep when you die..... and it's fucking toxic.
You read that right. It's. Fucking. Toxic.
It's that very mindset and programming that damn near killed me. Literally.
However, I am a big fan of taking accountability for oneself. We can only blame our programming on others for so long. Because quite frankly, when you feel the pain of discomfort for too long, you have two options. Stay in your toxic ways and continue to feel the pain, or change and do better.
Am I saying that change is not painful? No. Not at all. Change is fucking hard. And it can be scary. But which pain do you want? The pain that keeps you stuck in the same loops of toxic habits and mindsets? Or the pain of growth, expansion and change that leads you to the calling of your heart?
This life I live, I fucking love it. I love my business. I love what I do. I love that I get educate and help people. I love that I get to make my schedule. That I get to sleep in when I choose. That I can dye my hair crazy colors, wear what I want when I want, with no one telling me what to do, how to do it, or when to do it. I get to set my sacred boundaries, and that is invaluable to me.
Make no mistake, I still have to make many sacrifices. But I'm okay with that 💜 Because I know I'm following my heart, my soul, the calling within. It's a joy and peace that can never be taken away.
At 35, I have my dream life already. I am surrounded by love and support. I am married to my soul mate and we have 2 amazingly beautiful pain in the ass kids. We've built a home together filled with love. I have family back in my life that truly cares about me. I've eliminated multiple toxic relationships from my life. I have everything I need.
And that realization, that understanding, is partially why I became so emotional. And also because I know that it only gets better from here. I love myself so hard-core that I won't allow myself to go backwards to what once was....
I don't care what people think about me anymore. It's just not on my give-a-damn list.
Life gets to be what we want it to be when we follow through with soul aligned actions. Listen to those whispers my friends. They are there for a reason. Pause and listen 💜
Now I'm off to do what I do 💫 Creating Magick 💫
